First off, I want to know that you are doing a great job for you to making it this far into 2020 with your mind intact. You are facing a lot of pressures, unique to your stage of life, and you are doing your very best. You will learn a lot through the course of this year, so many things you wouldn’t have chosen. But my hope for all of us is we will find a way to grow through and reap the benefits of, the many lessons of this year.

 So, back to post-traumatic growth. You may have been working on yourself for quite some time, coming to terms with past losses, mourning the secure attachments you didn’t have, or rediscovering your true self to improve how you show up in your relationships. 

While you have a sense that you are making progress in your recovery from previous trauma, you aren’t quite sure how to measure it and this prevents you from clearly celebrating your wins. 

Let’s talk about a few ways you can track the healthy shifts that are presenting for you in your post-traumatic growth journey.

In no particular order of importance:

(1) You find yourself more frequently making informed decisions rather than reacting

Reactions come as a result of automatic thinking dominance, meaning you haven’t had enough time for the activating event to process through your prefrontal cortex. 

What do I mean by that? When we are operating in an automatic fashion, we are often in survival mode. Survival mode is a state of being that is directed by the amygdala- two almond shaped clusters that reside deep within the temporal lobe of the brain. This area is concerned with maximizing self-preservation and is heavily involved in processing fear, anxiety and aggression. (I’m betting you weren’t expecting this surprise biology lesson.)

The importance of this biological phenomenon is in how it shows up in your ability to minimize a natural inclination towards fear or defensiveness, in order to assess the available information and make healthy choices.

When you are able to work with your fear more effectively in order to make better choices, you are demonstrating a huge amount of growth in your decision-making, self-control and emotional intelligence. If you haven’t realized this yet, this is a very big deal. 

It’s the difference between experiencing a terrible car accident and never being able to get behind of the wheel of a car again, versus gradually regaining your confidence and taking necessary trips to the grocery store or to drop your child off at daycare, because you know that history does not determine the future.

(2) You recognize an opportunity while there is still time to take advantage of it.

You know that saying about how “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are (Anais Nin).” It’s an important one to consider when we are faced with potential challenges and setbacks, and it calls us to consider how we might look at something from a different perspective. 

A new perspective on a situation can allow us to recognize the inherent opportunities that it presents, and this is something you may have noticed yourself doing, more and more, as time has gone by in your recovery. 

The lapse of time between encountering a problem and discovering the opportunity has gotten shorter and shorter for you, and this means less frequently experiencing regret for the chances you didn’t take.

(3) You empathize and stand with others who are currently more vulnerable than you.

When you have experienced recovery from a traumatic event or severe setbacks in the past, you have an immediate connection of compassion to others who are currently in the position you were once in. 

This may impact the line of work you have chosen to do, because of your desire to make an impact on certain communities or causes. It may also direct your choices in how you donate money, volunteer your spare time or how you show up for needs right in your own neighborhood.

Growth post-trauma has a way of instilling a passion for leading others out the dark places that you were once stuck. You grow from victim to survivor to advocate as you become reacquainted with your own power and realize you can now stand up for yourself and others, as well.

(4) You place greater importance on healthy social support.

The wisest people I know are those who understand that they need other people. Whether that’s the love of a good partner, the advice of a trusted friend or the support of a healthy team in the workplace, you simply gain so much more by not going at it alone.

One of the most destructive impacts of trauma is the way in which it can isolate you away from others. You may have once thought that your experiences make you unworthy of love, unacceptable to anyone who knows the full truth about you.

In recovering from past hurts and losses, you grow in acceptance of yourself and are therefore able to take in the acceptance that others want to offer you, too. Through this process, you grow in connection to others and you develop of sense of safety in leaning on those you trust when you go through difficult times.

Your willingness to invest in healthy relationships across the spectrum allows you to accumulate evidence that people can be trustworthy, and your life in community becomes so much richer as a result. Fostering connection allows you to meet a core human need for belonging, which, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, paves the way for eventually achieving your full potential as a creative human.

I hope this list helps to highlight for you just a few of the mile-markers in your journey of growth and recovery. Feel free to send me an email with any other additions you would make to this list. I would love to hear what you have experienced in your healing process!