On moving past “never again”
[For readers with fertility struggles, please feel free to skip this post and check out some of my earlier articles].
One of the first words out of my mouth after I gave birth to my first son were “He’s going to be an only child.” And I absolutely meant it.
You see, I had approached having a baby with a lot of hopes and expectations. I was pretty sure I was doing most of the right things and therefore would have the outcome I wanted. When a very last minute medical complication led to a change in my birth plan, I was genuinely devastated. Despite all of my intention, preparation and hard work, things were not going to go as planned.
You have likely had an experience much like this. You recognized something that you wanted, you visualized getting it, practiced your affirmations, maybe worked on mindfully manifesting, etc etc. But… it just doesn’t work out the way you planned.
You may have wrestled long and hard with blaming yourself (or maybe someone else) and grown defeated and discouraged by the unexpected choices lying before you. You may have heard that critical voice in the back of your mind telling you that failure was inevitable. That your desires were unrealistic. And that things will continue to go downhill in the future when you least expect it.
Or maybe you just cut off your vulnerable, hurt feelings and pretended like none of it even bothered you. Even now, you may struggle to admit the truth to yourself or anyone else.
These reactions are just some of the common traps we all face after a major setback. The immediate loss of what we hoped for is tough enough, but even worse are the stories we can tell ourselves about why it happened, if we aren’t careful.
Thankfully, there is help available to assist you in dealing with the disappointment, the shaming thoughts and any relational patterns or core beliefs you may have acquired along the way that led you to that heartbreaking situation in the first place.
Evidence based therapies that help you move through your traumas or painful events, can keep you from continuing to be stuck for weeks, months, or years at a time. Some treatments, like Accelerated Resolution Therapy, have even been proven to effectively resolve most problems in an average of 3.7 therapy sessions.*
Be sure to reach out if you realize that you are in need of support to recover and heal from painful experiences in your own life. I’m certainly glad I did.
Fast forward a couple years and I just recently had an amazingly reparative experience with the birth of my second born son. The safety and support I had this time around resulted in a vastly different delivery and postpartum period- something I would never have had without the right help.
That’s my hope and intention for you. To gain back what you lost, and to have even more of what you long for. Here’s to finding the courage to begin again!