Often, when you reach a point in your journey where you finally feel ready to start therapy, you suddenly find that you have a whole lot of questions and a really hard time finding the answers you need.

You may have heard some confusing references to CBT or DBT,  or you might have a friend who raves about her time doing EMDR and how it completely changed her life (what do all those acronyms even mean??).

Perhaps you heard a celebrity sharing about an awakening they experienced with their hypnotist that blew their mind, and now suddenly they are in a new relationship, they cut off all their hair and they’ve started a new business that is set to make them millions by the end of the year.

What is all that about? Is there a way that you can have some of that, too? Or successfully avoid it, lol?

On a serious note, you may feel like there are too many factors to consider when seeking a therapist. It can be to the point where you may feel too overwhelmed to even start therapy, despite knowing that you need it. The truth is, rather than starting with a search on an online psychology directory (one of the later steps), it is most effective to start with you.

Reflect on what is happening for you at this point in your life, the things that are going well, and the things that are not going as well as they could be. What is making you feel happy and fulfilled now? And what responsibilities, relationships or patterns are causing you to feel drained or unsupported?

Where do you feel like you still have much to learn? In what specific areas is stress getting the better of you? Is it hard to figure out what you want next out of life? Are you struggling to figure out what keeps getting in your way? Are you having a hard time even recognizing yourself?

Once you have a clearer idea as to why you are feeling motivated to seek counseling, you can take stock of your expectations about therapy, itself. This will also help in directing you in finding the right fit more quickly, once you start to interview therapists.

Consider how you felt in any therapy you had in the past. Was it helpful or harmful? Respectful or disempowering? Life-changing? Aligned? Do you still have certain skills or helpful behaviors you use that you learned from your last therapist? Or were you uncomfortable with your last counselor?

Did you have a hard time feeling seen by them, or feeling like there was a connection? Did your previous therapist spend more time talking about themselves and their own life (or even other clients) than they did listening to and truly understanding you? Did they dismiss your concerns or experiences, or encourage toxic positivity when you brought up things that bothered you?

Having clarity on what you liked and didn’t like about therapy in the past, can allow you to effectively select your next provider, and have more success in treatment.

Even if you have not yet been to therapy for the first time, you can still identify what your expectations are for working with someone in that space.

Some folks want a safe, nurturing environment with a neutral party who can listen and give them a new perspective on the battles they experience in their relationships. Some people want to focus more on finally resolving painful experiences from earlier in life, while others need help taking the next steps for the future life they desire. You may want someone who is more directive and doesn’t simply default to “And how do you feel about that?”

And then of course, there are the qualities that are harder to explain but help you feel much more secure with one therapist over another. Things like, they remind you of your favorite auntie, or a babysitter you loved growing up. Maybe they share your obsession with cats, have countless tats and piercings, or they practice your same faith. It doesn’t have to make sense; it all factors into what makes it easier for you to do the deep work in therapy.

You’ll have noticed by now that I haven’t yet said one word about whether to look for someone who knows CBT, EFT or any other acronym. This is very intentional. While the type of therapeutic approach that a counselor takes is important, it is nowhere near as important as the rapport- or connection- you feel with that person. When you feel safe, you are more likely to address the difficult things that led you to seek therapy in the first place, which gives the particular therapy technique a lot more room to work.

That being said, certain problems can actually be worsened by going to the wrong therapist. If you start seeing someone who describes themselves as a trauma therapist, but all your sessions are redirected to your need to forgive your abuser, you might not have found the best fit.

When you are in need of a specialty, like childhood trauma, racial stress, postpartum depression/anxiety, couples counseling, or addiction recovery, it does matter that the therapist you’ve chosen has experience and training in these areas.

Better yet, you are more likely to get the skills you need, quickly, if the therapy technique they use has had lots of positive results with people like you in the past. Therapies that are described as evidence-based fit this requirement, because they have likely measured the outcomes of the treatment against those who never received it (or received it at a later time, when they came off a waitlist).

The more experienced your chosen therapist is in treating people with the problems that you would like addressed, the more likely they will almost seem to be able to ‘read your mind’ when you are meeting with them and talking through your struggles. Talk about feeling seen and understood!

There is so much more to say on this topic that I will need to write it in another post. Stay tuned for part 2 of this discussion, as I get into more of the nitty gritty of different types of therapy, and how to interview your next therapist.