The amount of distractions and genuine stressors in our lives seems to be spinning out of control. Whether we are battling an obsessive tic that drives us to spend too much time on social media or we are having increased gastrointestinal distress in the wake of the recent election, many of us are feeling like we can’t quite get a handle on our day to day functioning.

The first thing I want to make clear is- you are not “crazy” and you are not “overreacting.” Those who tell you that are you are either have the luxury of ignoring reality or are in denial that reality will soon catch up to them, too. Choosing to be aware and pay attention sometimes means that it will cost you some of your peace. In my role as a mental health therapist, it is my job to help you get a handle on the realities that effect you and help you to feel more than equipped in dealing with your concerns in an effective and holistic way. So let’s talk about it.

One: Holding the tension of centering yourself without losing sight of your other values

This isn’t going to be an article about how self care will save you and nothing else matters because it’s all in your mind anyway. When it comes to the larger forces that exert the greatest influence over our world, there is nothing imaginary about it. And no, taking more baths and deciding you want to live a “soft life” isn’t going to fix your depression or your addictive behaviors.

What centering yourself is really about is recognizing that real problems require real solutions. And that one of those solutions is not giving your attention away for free to systems that profit off of your unexamined beliefs, time and money.

When you go about life in a way where your focus is always in something happening outside of you, your emotions are played like a violin by whomever is eager to make a dollar off of you.

Media and news outlets profit off of your fear and anxiety when they can keep your attention and keep putting advertisements in front of your face. The more attention and/or money you give them, the more you increase their bottom line. Not yours.

And, perhaps even worse, the solutions they propose to help you soothe your distress are unlikely to give you any actual benefit. So you are left feeling the exact same way you felt before, but with pockets that are a little lighter, and possibly more junk in your house or on your computer.

This is in contrast to when you are able to learn how to center yourself. In centering yourself, you spend your highest quality time in the practices that remind you of who you really are, without getting confused and scared by outside influences. Whether you find yourself through writing and journaling, or through yoga and other forms of movement, whether walking outside in the early morning sunlight or engaging in deep meditation in your bedroom, these ways of being allow you to start from the inside first. By maintaining a deep connection with yourself, you also cultivate a state of clarity rather than confusion and urgency. And this keeps you in a powerful position where you are not reliant on others for figuring out the direction you want your life to take.

Protecting the space and time that you require for these practices sets you up beautifully for living from your highest values, even in a world that actively seeks to block you from remembering what your own values are. Think about this: when was the last time you did a lived values assessment? When have you had the time and space to think through the aspects of life that hold the most meaning for you, and examine whether your day to day lived experience is even reflecting those values?

This is the kind of deep work that you can complete when you have protected time to reflect and reevaluate. And it is from this deep work that you can begin to get really creative about how better live out the things that matter to you in the time you have on this earth. And this is doable whether you live a fabulous single life or you enjoy the ever evolving chaos of multiple children in your home. No matter your lifestyle or time pressures, you can create a ritual of self-connection that keeps you centered.

Two: Community can be a tool for healing. Make it work for you

Almost everyone reading this article has probably had the experience of an extremely toxic and stressful work culture. The kind where they lure you in with smiles and and flattery and dollar signs and talk about being a “family,” and then proceed to impact you with almost as much trauma as your original family did. This is obviously not the kind of community I am referring to when I say that community can be a tool for healing.

Healthy, dynamic community spaces are about being able to show up as you are and receive acceptance, camaraderie and even appreciation. So whereas in the previous section we were discussing how to create a solid foundation of connecting with yourself, here the emphasis is on finding affinity spaces where you feel seen and validated by others.

Part of my work in decolonizing therapy is to remove the problematic emphasis on individualism from your mental health journey. And that is just one of the reasons why having a practice of social connection is so important. No matter where we come from or what stories our histories contain, none of us made it here to the year 2024 and beyond because our ancestors successfully avoided other people. Not only would that be impossible biologically speaking, but survival always means being able to receive help from others and reciprocating the same.

While modern American ideals and western culture in general tends to emphasize “rugged individualism” and hyper-independence, I want to encourage you to actually consider how you might increase the opportunities for interdependence in your everyday lifestyle. What would it look like to make more space for connecting with friends, making new friends who share your unique interests, for finding ways to accomplish goals with others rather than away from others? Hyper-independence may be glorified in entertainment and social media, but it’s also a sick path to loneliness, social anxiety and heightened fears about the outside world. That is not the kind of life I would wish on you, and even if you are currently already in that space, there are options for moving beyond that experience.

Some of you reading this currently have relationships and environments where healthy dynamics are already at play. So your work may be to simply consider how to plug in more regularly so that these connections become more of default in everyday life, rather than an exception to the norm. For others of you, you get to start building your micro-communities with intention starting today! With a focus on micro-communities, this releases the pressure to have to find one group of people who need to be your everything from here on out. You can simply find different resources, activities and purpose driven groups that reflect a range of different aspects of yourself.

Perhaps you join a beginners rock climbing club, because it’s diverging that always intrigued you and you’re feeling like “why not now?” Or you join a book club for other people who enjoy reading British murder mysteries and you find others who have other interests just as quirky as your own. Or perhaps you feel energized to engage in some social activism and you meet up monthly with other progressives who are working on projects that directly affect your community.

The point is, it doesn’t have to look any particular way or even be directly related to the uplift of society if you simply can’t muster the energy for that right now (not to mention, aren’t you a member of society? So if something uplifts you, doesn’t that count??). The real win is connecting to current friends or future friends in a way that helps the world to feel a little less scary and more like somewhere you are happy to call your home. Because that’s the kind of impact it can have when you are able to find your people.

Conclusion

This article is by no means exhaustive, and I suspect I will be writing a few follow ups to this in the coming months and years. But I hope it gives you a starting place for thinking about how you, personally, will invest your time and attention to living well through this time. The truth is, it’s not even really about revenge, because revenge still centers the person or institutions that are aiming to harm you. It is much more about living well for your own sake and fully fleshing out the magic of who you are in this life that you are living. No one benefits from you existing this life with the music still hidden inside you. I invite you to shine and to sing.

If these words resonated with you and you are interested in working with me as a client, my doors are open to consulting with you. Whether you are interested in ongoing supportive counseling, transformation therapy intensives with hypnotherapy or Gottman couples counseling, you can set up a call to speak with me here.

Interested in Working with an Anxiety Relief Therapist in Arlington VA, Bowie MD or Washington D.C.?

Is the inability to rest or slow down leading to burnout in your professional and personal life? Reclaim your joy and vitality while managing your professional commitments through holistic and evidence based counseling. Our specialized support at Satya Counseling & Yoga is designed to fit seamlessly into your busy life, empowering you to conquer trauma-based responses and thrive. Prioritize your mental well-being – embark on a transformative journey towards a happier and more fulfilling life by following these three steps to get started:

Schedule a complimentary 15-minute call to see if we’ll be the right fit.

Begin meeting with me, therapist and trauma-informed yoga teacher, Linda Sanderville, to rediscover your healthy, authentic self.

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Other Services Offered at Satya Counseling and Yoga

At Satya Counseling and Yoga, I want to help create a safe space for my clients to start their healing journey individually or as a couple. To help accommodate you in my Northern Virginia practice (along with other locations nationwide), the services I offer in addition to internal family systems therapy include trauma recovery, anxiety relief, and therapy for depression. I also offer a Transformation Therapy Intensive for those looking to seek accelerated progress toward their identified goals and personal growth and Yoga for Therapy to help increase your mental resilience and enhance your emotional state. For more about my practice check out my FAQs and blog!