Great reasons for firing your therapist: Red flags and green flags for choosing mental health providers
Introduction: Challenges in finding and choosing a good therapist for you
Looking for a therapist can be such an intimidating task. You want someone who has a professional expertise you don’t have in the field of mental health, or you are a provider yourself and need to find someone who can adequately support you. What other people think about the therapist you are seeing a thinking about scheduling with isn’t always the most helpful, since no two people are alike, and the dynamic they have with a counselor may be very different to the dynamic you would have with them.
So let’s look at some distinctions between a therapist who is a poor fit for you- a red flag therapist, and a therapist who is very likely to be a great fit for you -a green flag therapist. Hopefully seeing these differences outlined in print will help you reach greater clarity about the best choice you can make for yourself.
Red flags that reveal that you and your counselor should go your separate ways
Here are three of the most major signs that you and your therapist are a poor fit, and you can definitely give yourself permission to end your contract.
One, the therapist you hired has strayed from the goals you have chosen for yourself (not including self harm).
If you start your relationship with a new therapist with certain goals in mind, but then spend the majority of your sessions working on the agenda that they have for your life, you’ve got a massive problem.
Again, I’ll note that your physical safety will always take precedent over anything else with qualified therapists, because they know there are no other goals to work on if your life is in danger and you might not be here to work on them if other things aren’t figured out first. But besides that, respect should be given to you as a person for the desires you have for yourself, and any of the coping or interpersonal challenges that could keep you from achieving those goals.
Two, your therapist is not actively working themself out of the job.
If all the work you do with your therapist is teaching you to rely on them or become dependent on their role in your life, run-do not walk- to the exit door.
Therapists who are motivated by providing excellent care and restoring wellness are not going to hang onto you for no reason. And giving you an abundance of tools that you can put into practice without them is part of the gig. So if the treatment plan you have with them requires that you always remain dependent on their presence in your life, that is a major red flag.
Three, this therapist is using a one size fits all approach, and they haven’t updated their treatment “recipe” the entire time they’ve been in clinical practice.
If their work with you shows that they believe there is only one way to heal or resolve your chronic suffering, you might soon find yourself “failing” therapy.
The thing is, you shouldn’t be feeling that you are failing therapy, when you are therapy to seek relief from suffering. Even when you are hitting a wall in your progress with boundaries, self-care, or any number of other struggles, therapy should be a safe place to explore the blocks and internal resistance to change, which is often rooted in a desire to self-protect. Unfortunately, the feeling of failure you are having may be more a reflection of your counselor not having the relevant skills to help in your particular situation, but they are either unaware of that fact, or coping with a sense of inadequacy by pushing that back on you.
Green flags that demonstrate your therapist or counselor really is the goat
Okay, now that you know what you don’t want, let’s get to the good stuff. And just as a note of encouragement, there are many excellent therapists that are licensed to work with you in the area that you live. So please don’t feel like you have to go on some extended and difficult search to find one that you want. As long as you know what you are looking for, you can be well on your way to making the kinds of changes in your life that you desire.
Green flag number one: Your therapist helps you discover your authentic best and tap into your wisdom.
Rather than diminishing your expertise about your situation, a green flag therapist actually believes that you have innate wisdom about what is best for your life. They are able to ask you the kinds of questions that get you to reflect on what you want with clarity and purpose, and this enables you to become much more authentic throughout your healing process.
You’ll know this is the case when you feel like you spend much more time in your True Self energy, then not. You’ll notice that you check in with your wants and needs more consistently and are willing to make the adjustments that it takes to live aligned with your closest held values. This is the beauty of being led by your beautiful wise Self, and well worth the investment in a quality, green flag therapist.
Green flag number two: Your therapist has helped you diversify and feel confident in your mental wellness toolbox.
Whether you are now throwing down weights in the gym like a boss or handling potentially high-conflict conversations without raising your bold pressure or breaking a sweat, your ability to cope with difficult situations is way higher than it was before treatment. You are engaging in healthy and sustainable lifestyle practices that have greatly improved your quality of life, and it shows.
The key here is not that you no longer experience problems in your personal or professional life (and anyone who promises you something like that is basically selling snake oil). It’s just that you aren’t immediately overwhelmed by the problems that will come because you know there is always a tool for the job, even if that tool is as simple/difficult as radical acceptance. Either way, you are no longer a victim, and it feels great knowing that you have a say in how you want to feel.
Green flag number three: Your therapist is open to learning new treatments and offers you a range of options or a referral out.
When you luck upon a therapist who is willing to think outside of the box and explore alternative forms of mental health treatment with you, you know you are golden. It might be the first time you have encountered an integrative therapist who is also seasoned in their clinical expertise, and that allows you to be creative, too, in the way that you conceptualize your healing. This is because you realize that there are many paths to the same goal of feeling better and functioning better, and just the fact of this alone helps build your resilience in seeking help.
Your therapist helps introduce you to new pathways of healing that may be far more effective than what other, more traditional, therapists have even thought to be trained in. And they share with you the research and rationale and risks/benefits of what they are offering you so that you can make an informed decision. And if they know that you might be a strong candidate for a form of treatment that they are not trained to provide, they are more than happy to direct you where you need to go. So you never have to worry that you will be denied knowledge of the treatment that is the true best fit for you.
Conclusion: Firing or retiring your therapist for your own best good
As you may have noticed, the red flags to look for in a counselor may actually lead to a similar action step as the green flags to look for. If you have a red flag therapist, it is in your best interest to either confront them respectfully about the issues you are noticing, or to simply request that you bring the sessions to a close.
However, if you have experienced a green flag therapist, you might be in a place where ending sessions and retiring your therapist is still a great choice, for a very different reason. You may have arrived at or even surpassed the goal you had when you started working with them, and treatment is no longer necessary at this time. That might be a good time to work with your therapist to begin ramping down sessions mindfully, and schedule a final session with them to say goodbyes and celebrate your progress.
Whatever you choose, I wish you wild success in your mental health journey, and I hope this article helped to valid you in some of the complex emotions you may be experiencing with your current provider.
Feeling curious about whether I might be a Green Flag therapist for you? Then I would be happy to discuss working with you in a mind-body therapy intensive or ongoing individual therapy sessions!
Take the first step and schedule your consultation call for services today.
About The Author
Linda Sanderville, LCSW is a psychotherapist with over fifteen years experience in effective trauma treatment and training and supervision of other mental health professionals. Currently, she provides specialty services to adults seeking recovery from stressful life events and those who desire to optimize their wellness and the health of their relationships.
Interested in Working with a Green Flag Therapist in Arlington or Richmond VA?
Is the inability to rest or slow down leading to burnout in your professional and personal life? Reclaim your joy and vitality while managing your professional commitments through holistic and evidence based counseling. Our specialized support at Satya Counseling & Yoga is designed to fit seamlessly into your busy life, empowering you to conquer trauma-based responses and thrive. Prioritize your mental well-being – embark on a transformative journey towards a happier and more fulfilling life by following these three steps to get started:
Schedule a complimentary 15-minute call to see if we’ll be the right fit
Begin meeting with me, therapist and trauma-informed yoga teacher, Linda Sanderville, for your session
Start moving forward in your personal and professional life in a positive and healthy way!
Other Services Offered at Satya Counseling and Yoga
At Satya Counseling and Yoga, I want to help create a safe space for my clients to start their healing journey individually or as a couple. To help accommodate you at my Northern Virginia practice, the services I offer in addition to depression therapy include trauma therapy, anxiety therapy, and depression therapy. I also offer a Transformation Therapy Intensive for those looking to seek accelerated progress toward their identified goals and personal growth and Yoga for Therapy to help increase your mental resilience and enhance your emotional state. For more about my practice check out my FAQs and blog!