How you landed in a situationship, and what to do about it
Woah, how did we get here? You're too smart for this, right? Right. And yet, let's assess- you're pinning, they're uncommitted and the majority of your inner circle is giving you side-eye about the whole thing . So what happened?
1. You let fantasy define your reality rather than the facts
Fantasy isn't always a bad thing. After all, if we didn't daydream every once in a while, we might never aspire to something more. But hoping for something and getting caught up in an imaginary world where it already exists are two totally different things. Be sure to check the facts to test if what you think you see really holds up to scrutiny. Your future self will thank you for putting in the hard work on the front end, so you can hopefully avoid further regrets down the line. The next tendency that takes you down to road to disappointment is similar to this one-
2. You fell for their future potential and ignored their present imperfect
(You see what I did there?) Now, having vision for a possible version of another's best self is not a bad thing for relationships, bit I would go so far to say that being wedded to that imagined version is almost always relationship-damaging. Why? Because everyone is ultimately entitled to recreate themselves as they wish. Not as you wish. If the person they are today is not a person you can stomach, than the best thing for both of you is to move on emotionally. This is even more imperative if the person they are today is someone who is not ready to commit to you.
3. You didn't listen to your tell-it-like-it-is friends
Or family. Or mentor. Etc. Basically, you didn't want to hear it, so you shut it down. I get it; sometimes you aren't sure if the current naysayer in your life is really all the way for you. Maybe their jealous? Or they don't really believe in you? Of course, if this is what you think of this person, a conversation for another time is why you still include this person in your inner circle. But I digress. The fact is, the loved ones who truly have your back will tell you some difficult things that you don't want to hear at times. But they are picking up on something that you may be too fearful or stubborn to acknowledge. Be a friend to yourself, too, and try not to hide from this.
4. You lack consistent boundaries
I am totally willing to believe that you enforce strong, imitation-worthy boundaries in other areas of your life, but when it comes to romance, you have faltered my friend. And no judgment here- we all have our weak spots. What matters is letting yourself be made aware of potential hazards and then taking action to continually grow where needed. This is one of those skills that can be easier to learn if you can observe someone else you admire who is already doing it with their intimate partner. Watch them, ask questions of them and be willing to practice what they do, despite possible (temporary) feelings of discomfort.
With any of these tips, always be sure to check in with yourself to see if what's stated truly applies to you, and if the offered solution is appropriate for your particular situation. As you take steps to adjust to a new normal, you should begin to feel your authenticity strengthen. And this will demand authenticity from those with whom you interact, romantic interest or otherwise. Here's to knowing better and doing better, one step at a time!