Finding a Safe Space in Trauma Therapy Intensives: Advice From a Trauma Therapist
Needing A Fresh Start
Fall is my favorite season of the year. I don’t know if this holds true for you, but I still feel the excited anticipation of the school year from way back in elementary school. Something about new school supplies and new teachers always seemed to spark a sense of possibility and fresh beginnings.
Of course, it has probably been many years since you have anxiously waited in line to walk into your new homeroom. But it is still very likely that you are at a point in your life where you desire the possibility of a new beginning. This is even more true if you tend to feel anxious heading into the holiday season, with all the reminders and memories of the past that continue not to sit well with you.
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
Rest assured that you are not alone in this feeling. Many of my clients have felt deeply discouraged during the holiday season when they find themselves confronted with continually dysfunctional family dynamics, disrespect from family members or flashbacks to painful things that were said or done to them in the past.
When you have achieved a lot in your adulthood, and expect that to insulate and protect you from feeling invalidated by those who should ideally be the most supportive of you, it feels like a slap in the face when they persist in treating you as less than you are.
If you find that you continue to feel brought down and discouraged by dynamics such as these, it’s an important sign that you would benefit greatly from getting the support of a highly-qualified and compassionate clinician. Choosing the right provider for therapy can make all the difference in how you relate to others, as well as how you think about yourself, after a difficult interaction that brings up distressing memories from your past.
Challenges In Finding The Right Therapist To Help
Addressing losses or rejections, or even abuse and mistreatment from childhood, can bring up a lot of questions and insecurities for you. You may find yourself wondering “Why do people feel they can treat me like this?” “What is it about me that causes these things to happen?” “Why can’t they seem to love me, or accept me?” “Will I ever be able to fully trust someone?”
These questions may be very hurtful, but after going through something like what you went through, they are also natural to have. And when you carry around these types of insecurities, trusting a stranger to listen to your story, hold space for you, and give you professional support without judgment, can feel like a shot in the dark.
Signs Of Safety From A Therapist
I can empathize with those concerns and want to suggest a couple signs to look for that will help you rest more easily with who you choose to work with.
1) Look for language that invites reflection and curiosity vs judgement or absolutes
It is not uncommon for health professionals to become stuck in what they have been taught, or even in their own personal opinions of what others should do or think. As someone who has had their perspective dismissed or criticized, you need to have room to think your own thoughts and arrive at your own conclusions, without someone constantly telling you what you should be thinking.
A compassionate trauma therapist will demonstrate that they are safe by inviting you to clarify your own thoughts and beliefs, so that you have room to explore what is and isn’t working for you. They will do this with open-ended questions and by staying conscious that they are not doing all the talking in a consultation or a session with you. Remember, the trauma therapist you choose to work with is an expert on trauma, treatment tools and common problems and behaviors, but you are the expert in your own life.
2) Expect guidance that moves you forward in a gentle and holistic way
You know that you know your own life on a level that no one else can match, and that will never change. You also know that you are struggling to meet the emotional needs that you have with your current coping skills, and this is creating additional pain and frustration. So you are in a position to benefit from the expertise of someone who is trained to help you process your emotions in a positive way.
The right trauma therapist will do this with you in a well-paced manner, meaning not moving too fast or too slow. Moving too fast will cause you to become flooded or overwhelmed in the process, before you have even learned the tools to deal with such feelings. But moving too slow will set you up to be in therapy for an unnecessarily long period of time, because you won’t be experiencing symptom relief as quickly as you could.
So look for a provider who is obviously checking in with how you are feeling, what you think about the interventions being used and who is able to recognize your pace. And also notice if they have an actual plan of attack to use with you to help you overcome your most pressing symptoms as quickly as possible, so that your suffering is not extended.
FYI- while no therapist is an expert in everything, the most well-trained and effective therapists will have multiple tools under their belt that make them successful in treating their clients. Using a holistic approach that addresses multiple aspects of what you need will always give you better results.
3) Choose a provider who “gets it” and specializes in working with clients like you
You may come across a counselor who speaks in a compassionate and respectful way, and has education and training that looks like the right fit for you, but something still seems to be missing. They may not really understand your lifestyle, your values or even your generation. These gaps can create gaps in your level of satisfaction with your services because you will have a hard time feeling heard or understood with the goals you are trying to pursue.
Please pay attention to your gut on this one, and search for a provider where there is a good sense of connection. It doesn’t mean they are going to be exactly like you, but you do want to feel comfortable enough to share the events that feel very personal, or even shameful to you. Otherwise, you will not receive the full benefit of therapy that is available to you.
When a therapist is experienced in helping clients like you to process their trauma, and finally leave it in the past where it belongs, your nervous system will feel a lot more regulated in their presence, which will make it much easier to do this important work.
Why A Trauma Therapy Intensive Is Different
The Transformation Therapy Intensives that are offered in my practice are very unique because of the holistic approach used to help you address your personal problems. I use a mix of talk therapy, narrative therapy, eye movement therapy, nervous system techniques, relaxation methods and subconscious processing to help my clients achieve relief in a matter of days or weeks, rather than months, or longer.
The magic in this is the longer sessions allow for this improvement in symptoms to happen quickly without requiring that you feel rushed. This is why the intensives are scheduled for 3 hours at a time to give you room to move through the process at a steady pace, and not have to end the session just as you are making it to a turning point in your healing journey.
You can learn more about this here.
My Invitation To You
You are experiencing a lot and that is what led you here to this article today. I am sorry for the things you have been through, and they way you have been treated by those who were supposed to be kind to you.
While I may not know you yet, I strongly believe that there is a healthy and positive way out of your distress and you can feel a lot better than you do right now.
Take the first step and schedule your consultation call for services today.
About The Author
Linda Sanderville, LCSW is a psychotherapist with over ten years experience in effective trauma treatment and training and supervision of other mental health professionals. Currently, she provides specialty services to adults seeking recovery from stressful life events and those who desire to optimize their wellness and the health of their relationships.
Interested in Starting A Therapy Intensive that Incorporates Yoga in Arlington or Charlottesville VA?
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Other Services Offered at Satya Counseling and Yoga
At Satya Counseling and Yoga, I want to help create a safe space for my clients to start their healing journey individually or as a couple. To help accommodate you at my Northern Virginia practice, the services I offer in addition to depression therapy include trauma therapy, anxiety therapy, and depression therapy. I also offer a Transformation Therapy Intensive for those looking to seek accelerated progress toward their identified goals and personal growth and Yoga for Therapy to help increase your mental resilience and enhance your emotional state. For more about my practice check out my FAQs and blog!