Introduction: The State of Our Productivity-Obsessed Culture

The amount of increased attention that has been brought to the subject of rest over the last few years has been absolutely amazing. And as a therapist who desires to see a dramatic rise in the amount of care that the average adult gives to this subject, I am so here for it.

While our culture as Americans is one in which we highly praise those who work hard, are incredibly efficient and have found new ways of maximizing their productivity, these types of goalposts come with a whole lot of costs that nobody asked for.

We live at a time where lifespans are much higher comparatively to much of human existence, and yet, we are beginning to see this pattern reversed in the US, while also realizing that our “health spans” are even shorter than our life expectancies. To put it simply, the stress and loneliness of our modern lives are catching up to us and it’s not just our diets that are to blame. The pressure to perform at all costs and to outwork everyone around us, including ourselves, is having a disastrous effect.

From Competitive High Achiever to Rest Advocate

Now, I’ll be honest- I can be as competitive as the next girl. When I meet with my clients and urge them to consider new approaches to how they think about success, I am absolutely speaking from experience, as much as I am from the research we currently have available. But despite my own natural tendency towards higher and higher levels of achievement, when you know better, you do better. And thankfully, I’ve been doing better and helping my clients to do better for quite some time now.

One of the most powerful shifts that a high-achiever can make is to re-explore their relationship to rest. And we are not just talking about catch-up sleep on the weekends, or the occasional trip to get the nails done. Rest is about practicing a state of relaxation and ease that goes you room to pay attention to what is going on around you, as well as what is going on within you.

Traumatic Experiences Can Interfere With Rest

Now, this ability to be present and stay mindful of reality, as it currently stands, might be one of the reasons why parts of you resist the idea of a full and total rest state. There are very valid experiences that many of us have had that make the idea of rest seem not only out of reach, but perhaps even somewhat unsafe. Even dangerous. Trauma and/or experiences of scarcity and survival can ingrain this feeling within us, and it can be very difficult to overcome without adequate support.

Rest isn’t always easy, but it is certainly always worth it.

Assuming that you are reading this article because you are at least rest-curious, or at the contemplative stage of change where you are open to considering this work, let’s talk about some initial steps you can take to begin moving in a more positive direction in this area.

Step 1: Practicing Compassion Instead of Passing Judgment

First, take a pause and have compassion on yourself for not having mastered this skill yet. It is always easier for someone to tell you what you should be doing than it is for you to actually do it. Talk is cheap, after all.

The truth is, you wouldn’t be struggling to make rest a consistent habit in your life if there wasn’t a good reason for it. And many of us have experienced traumatic or stressful events that make rest feel like some kind of pipe dream, forever out of reach, unrealistic or even dangerous.

If you can acknowledge the reality of why you feel the way that you feel, without passing judgment on it, you are already winning. That’s because seeing your truth in a nonjudgmental way, and validating your discomfort at the same time, are essential skills for practicing rest more regularly.

If you can be present enough with yourself to see when you need more breathing room, then you can detect signs of emotional fatigue, burnout and overwhelm so much earlier in the process, when it will still feel somewhat manageable to deal with it right away.

Step 2: Moving From Negative Thoughts and Emotions to the Feeling You Desire

Second, starting with how you are feeling right now, begin to explore what you would like to change about that feeling, and how you would like to feel instead.

Let’s say you are feeling stuck when it comes to making a major decision, like switching jobs or leaving a strained relationship. You may be having fear-based thoughts like “Maybe this is as good as it gets,” or “I’m so rusty when it comes to dating/interviewing/etc- I don’t have what it takes to make a change.” These thoughts leave you feeling deflated, hopeless, negative and tired. Too tired, in fact, to take the necessary action!

So perhaps, instead, you would benefit from a little bit of opposite action. The idea of opposite action comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, and it’s basically choosing to act in the opposite direction of destructive and limiting thoughts and feelings. So instead of continuing to rationalize why you can’t have something good, you engage in activities that reinforce that the good thing you want is not only possible, but makes a lot of sense.

You move from “I’m so rusty when it comes to interviewing” to “Finding a new job is simply about building a muscle and learning certain skills. I am willing to read a few blogs to help me update my resume. I am willing to take the time to list out all my relevant experiences, paid or unpaid, that make me a great candidate for this new role.” Etc.

By deciding that you want to feel more competent and confident, you identify the areas where you feel the most shaky, and work on them in a targeted way, while also receiving counseling or coaching to strengthen your mental and emotional resilience for the task. This prevents you from staying in Freeze mode when it comes to the areas of your life that you are not happy with.

Step 3: Figuring Out The Approach to Rest You Need for Optimal Capacity in Daily Life

Thirdly, understand the specific forms of rest you will benefit from in order to have the willingness and energy for any of the steps above! You are not a machine, so it is not realistic for you to just be able to churn this out. You will need to make decisions that support your capacity for the tasks ahead.

So if you are suffering frequent headaches and trouble thinking clearly, you may need a doctor’s checkup to address any underlying hormonal issues or to identify specific nutritional deficiencies. Or you may need to implement a no-screens after 9pm policy for yourself to support deeper and more consistent sleep. Or you may be so frustrated by the busy grind and lack of inspiration of daily life, that you need to schedule in 2 hours of pure play for yourself every week, time to do a yoga flow in the park or watch a free performance at the Kennedy Center or challenge your kids to a water balloon fight.

The options are many and entirely up to your preference. This is not any area where someone can tell you what you should do for rest or for play (essentially active rest). You will have to pay attention to what lights your soul up- and this is a good thing. You will feel more aligned and energized than you have felt in a long time, simply by taking this step.

Your Unique Love Language for Rest

And here’s the thing: What I am really inviting you to do is practice rest as a form of love language to yourself. I want you to treat yourself lovingly, and to give yourself positive attention. Instead of getting caught up in what you don’t like about yourself- because criticism rarely brings about actual change anyway- you will care for yourself like a precious and vulnerable child who deserves the best. A worthy, beautiful soul who thrives in being delighted in. You will regain trust with yourself as you treat yourself with kindness. You will also discover/rediscover all sorts of things about yourself that you have either forgotten or ignored for many years.

Slowing down to rest is a gift that you can give yourself no matter the season of life you are in, even if it has to look a little different for now. The benefits to you, and all the ones you love, are so significant that it demands your attention.

Taking the First Step to Support Your Physical and Mental Health

If you have been working at rest or taking better care of your emotional needs for awhile now and feel like your progress is beginning to stall, be sure to reach out to me today to explore working together. My passion is your emotional health and wellbeing, as my clients will happily attest to, and it is not necessary for you to continue spinning your wheels on your own.

Feeling motivated? Then I would be happy to discuss working with you in a mind-body therapy intensive or ongoing individual therapy sessions!

Take the first step and schedule your consultation call for services today.

Interested in Starting Therapy to Learn Optimal Rest in Arlington or Richmond VA?

Is the inability to rest or slow down leading to burnout in your professional and personal life? Reclaim your joy and vitality while managing your professional commitments through holistic and evidence based counseling. Our specialized support at Satya Counseling & Yoga is designed to fit seamlessly into your busy life, empowering you to conquer trauma-based responses and thrive. Prioritize your mental well-being – embark on a transformative journey towards a happier and more fulfilling life by following these three steps to get started:

1. Schedule a complimentary 15-minute call to see if we’ll be the right fit

2. Begin meeting with me, therapist and trauma-informed yoga teacher, Linda Sanderville, for your session

3. Start moving forward in your personal and professional life in a positive and healthy way!

Other Services Offered at Satya Counseling and Yoga

At Satya Counseling and Yoga, I want to help create a safe space for my clients to start their healing journey individually or as a couple. To help accommodate you at my Northern Virginia practice, the services I offer in addition to depression therapy include trauma therapy, anxiety therapy, and depression therapy. I also offer a Transformation Therapy Intensive for those looking to seek accelerated progress toward their identified goals and personal growth and Yoga for Therapy to help increase your mental resilience and enhance your emotional state. For more about my practice check out my FAQs and blog!